Kink and Fetish-play have become HOT topics and have hit the mainstream public. It’s long overdue if you ask me. More couples are thinking about introducing Kink and Fetish-play into their bedroom, but are finding a few road blocks along the way.
There are hundreds of fetishes to explore for one. Some fetishes are tame and a simple sidestep from their vanilla sex life, while others are more involved and not for everyone. As the saying goes: What’s your kink isn’t necessarily my kink. Couples may have difficultly agreeing on a new “spice” or twist to add to their sexy love life. Or they’re having difficulty bringing up the topic with their partner. Maybe they don’t know enough about a particular fetish and feel they don’t know were to begin exploring. I hope this post will give you a few ideas on how to get started.
If you research fetishes, you’ll see more than just a few like fur-lined handcuffs, a glove fetish, a little spanking, or role playing. There are hundreds of fetishes. I’ve added a list of a few at the end of this post to stir your curiosity. With an adventurous attitude and open-mindedness, you may find one or two or more that will heat up your vanilla sex life. (or add a new dimension to an already kinky love style.)
How do you start to add kink or fetish-play?
- Go slow. Pressuring one partner into trying something new may require gradual steps instead of jumping right in.
- Do your research. Search online for specific fetishes that might interest you. I have a page of resources on this blog that can get you started. fetlife.com is also a good social community with members interested in many fetishes. Another source of information is http://www.kinkacademy.com
- Read books, whether it’s on BDSM, polyamory, restraints, spanking, voyeurism, sex toys, candle wax, etc. you’ll find books on the topic. I also have a list of books I can recommend on my Resource Page.
- Videos, porn films and photos can give you the visual perspective.
- Talk to people in a particular community engaging in that fetish. Again fetlife.com is a great resource. If you ask questions with sincere interest and respect, you’ll get positive responses.
- Search for groups in your area. By doing a Google search, you may find Munches—casual get-togethers by those involved in BDSM. Meet-and greets are available for swingers too.
Communicating, trusting, and being open-minded with your partner are absolutely necessary. And the first step before and during your research.
Share what you’ve discovered in your research with your partner. Talk about what you’re curious about. Let your partner know that you want to spice things up, but of course will only introduce something new slowly and at the pace all are comfortable with. There shouldn’t be stress. It should be a fun exploration.
If you do try a fetish out and it’s not your taste. Cross that off your list. It’s something you’ve tried together and can try something else.
Keep Safety, Fun and Pleasure in Mind
Some kinks are easy to incorporate into the bedroom, but some like bondage and flogging take a little more research to be safe. You don’t want to tie bonds too tight, or leave them on too long, cutting off circulation. And certain body areas you don’t want to strike with a flogger like the spine, neck (aside from being painful, there are lots of nerves located there), and lower back (don’t want to bruise the kidneys). Local BDSM groups often give demonstrations or classes. You can find online workshops and videos too. http://www.creativesexuality.org/ Offers classes on various topics online.
The biggest obstacles are mostly personal ones. Sadly, there is still a social stigma about kinky sex, anything outside pure vanilla sex is often considered bad, unhealthy, strange, etc. If you see yourself as a moral deviant or a ‘bad’ person or twisted for desiring an alternative sex, you’ll struggle with fulfilling the beautiful sensual being that you are.
Even a partner in a long-term relationship may hesitate to express their secret desires. Let your partner know this is something you’d like to explore together.
Books on kink. Check out my book list on my Resource Page and please let me know of other books you recommend or websites that are Sex Positive, fun and educational. I’d love to add them to my list. Don’t use 50 Shades of Grey. For some, it’s a fun romance book to read, and it has helped make kink mainstream in many ways. But it isn’t an instructional guide for BDSM. And there are even a few examples of dangerous practices. I offer a FREE copy of a BDSM short story if you want to read about a loving BDSM couple. STEEL REFLECTIONS is a quick and fun read.
List of a few Fetishes
- Oral Sex
- Anal sex
- High heels
- Talking Dirty
- Sex Toys
- Mutual Masturbation
- Sex in Public
- Sex outdoors
- Collar and Lead/Leash
- Erotic photography
- Candle Wax
- Rough sex
- Power exchange
- Making home videos
- Multiple orgasms
- Rope bondage/suspension
- Costume/dressing up
- Double Penetration
- And many, many more…
What’s your kink??